The promise of a new hope
Stole you from my weakened arms
You ran with them in the wind
But left me behind to rot
With skin long gone from decay
I bite my tongue now stained red
From the blood filling my mouth
I begged you not to leave me
I tried to hold on to you
But my hands grew stiff and numb
From the ice that left your lips
A bitterness plagues my mind
I contracted it from yours
I allowed it to fester
I let it cloud my judgement
But I will rise above you
I won’t pick you up again
When they let you fall to Earth
I will grow back healthier
Than I ever was with you
The moon hung on a string as stars, like drops of silver, danced around it. The cool mid-autumn air whispered through the evergreen trees whose sap filled the space with a clean, sweet scent. The night held the living forest with a fondness. Cradled within the velvet dark, creatures who dwell in the thick night sing a song only heard by those who venture with the moon. Cars, whose headlight rip through the peaceful dark , dive on a near empty road. The sound of their engines stir the melodious song conducted by the unseen, but the forest sings on. The moon continues its journey across the sky, bringing with it dawn. The promise of light calms the ever living night.
There are days where I don’t feel like I’m really there. I feel like the day just passes by and I’m a bystander. I just watch. The actions are not my own. My feet are their own person. I watch TV but the sound from it is just noise that doesn’t even register in my brain, but I stare at it anyway. There is a motor in my stomach that pushes me forward. I walk to work each day. Than walk back home. That’s it. That’s my day. I converse with my mom, but don’t really listen and answer with a voice that isn’t mine. By the end of the day, I don’t remember what I did. I don’t remember who I talked to at work or what I ate. I just remember that I got up, went to work, and now I’m home. No details. No memories.
I’ve been on antidepressants for about four years and I stopped taking them couple of weeks ago. Being on meds for me was interesting. I started going on meds in the sixth grade and now I’m in the tenth. I have next to no memory of my life in middle school. I remember who my friends were and favorite teachers were, but I don’t remember any events. I don’t even remember much from last year. It’s kind of scary how much of my memories are missing. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to make memories now and maybe learn how to cope with something I’ll have to deal with forever. I also did something very stupid. When I decided not to take my meds anymore, I didn’t slowly stop taking them. I just decided to quit taking them abruptly. I felt like crap, not just emotionally, but physically. I was bloated and couldn’t focus on anything. Every time I moved, I felt like I was being shocked throughout my body. By the time spring break is over, the medicine will hopefully be out of my system. I can’t help but wonder what it will be like without them during school. I’ll keep you guys posted.
I can’t seem to get a grip on my reality and my memories won’t stick in my brain. My life should be excitement. I mean, I have all the ingredients most deem necessary, but something’s missing. Time is slipping through my fingers and I’m running out of it quickly, but he won’t give me much more. I repeat the same tasks over and over again. I wait for something to change, but it will always be this way. I’m running in circles, but I can’t break the cycle. It will always be this way.